


Welcome to Danville

by shopgirl152



Category: Phineas and Ferb, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: 2nd Dimension, Baseball, Crossover, Danville - Freeform, Gen, Humor, Mysterious Force, Parody, Sports, Totally Tools, Tri-State Area
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-15
Updated: 2014-03-15
Packaged: 2018-01-15 20:05:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1317565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shopgirl152/pseuds/shopgirl152
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A giant baby head floats down the street. Somewhere, in a lone doorway, an old timey bathing suit is dancing. Welcome…to Danville.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to Danville

“Good evening listeners. This is Phineas Flynn, bringing you all the news from our simple Tri-State Area.

Our top story today concerns a new citizen to our little Tri-State Area. A scientist by the name of Baljeet.” A sigh is heard. “Ah Baljeet. What a beautiful name. It just…rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it listeners? Baljeet, with his black, beautiful curly hair and his striking blue overalls, has come to investigate Danville.

“I’m not entirely sure why Danville would need investigating; I mean, sure, we have the rogue squirrels that inhabit the park and then there’s that issue with the Mysterious Force. You know, the one that always causes things to randomly disappear? Yes, that Mysterious Force. But that is neither here nor there.

Anyway listeners, I’m getting off track. Just know that Baljeet is in town and he is beautiful.

Wait. Did I just say that out loud?

In other news, Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, of Fireside Girls Troop 46231, was seen around town today in the company of Eliza M. Feyersied. This is very strange, as Eliza M. Feyersied died two years ago and the only proof we have that she ever existed was the portrait of her that hangs in the Fireside Girl Clubhouse. But if Eliza was seen around town, I’m sure there’s a valid explanation for it. Maybe the Mysterious Force brought her back. It has a tendency to do that every now and again. I mean, it brought Love Handel back from the dead, right?

Meanwhile—oh. Listeners, I just received word from our intern Karla that Baljeet called the radio station. I really wish she had told me sooner; I would have loved to hear his melodious voice on the other end. Anyway, he passed a message on to Karla, alerting us to the possibility of a secret government agency in the Tri-State Area that consists entirely of animals agents wearing fedoras. He even said that my pet platypus Perry could quite possibly _be_ an agent.

This of course, is completely ridiculous. Everybody knows that animals, especially platypi, are incapable of donning fedoras and being secret agents. I mean, how would that work exactly? A platypus alone doesn’t do much; how could it be an agent?

And now, sports.

It’s that time of the year again listeners. The time of year when we pack up all our belongings and head to Danville stadium. That’s right, today is opening day for our own baseball team, the Danville Mudslingers. After a rough year, the Mudslingers are back and looking much better. They even picked up a new recruit, a young fresh out of college student by the name of Django Brown. I’m watching the game on tv right now; allow me to give you a play by play as The Mudslingers take on the Night Vale Spider Wolves.

Django steps up to the plate. He takes a couple of practice swings and—what’s this? Wait. He-he’s crying. Listeners, he appears to be sobbing uncontrollably. He has sunk to the ground with his head in his hands and has now curled into the fetal position.

I’m afraid Trevon Murphy, the new recruit on the Night Vale Spider Wolves, has emotionally crippled another member of our team. Darn. That always happens when Night Vale’s in town. Though I have yet to figure out just _why_ it happens.”

“Karla, will you please go and check on Django? He’s going to need some serious consoling over the next three weeks.”

And now, a word from our sponsor.

Feeling down? Feeling sad? Feeling like life just isn’t worth living? Feeling energized? Feeling happy? Well, that’s not normal; no normal person feels happy all the time. That’s just unheard of. Except for, well, me. But I am an anomaly. Feeling like time just slips by, with no purpose whatsoever? Totally Tools. For all your tool, and life, needs.

Listeners, I have just been handed a letter by a very strange girl. The girl has long black hair that covers her face and appears to be covered in grease. She came out of our radio station basement and there appear to be bugs crawling over her.

“Miss? Do you need me to—well, that’s funny. She appears to have crawled back into the basement. Oh well; I guess I’ll see her again at some point. Anyway listeners, the letter appears to be from one of our Danville citizens. A man by the name of…grrrr… _Buford Van Stomm_. Karla, do I really need to—oh. That’s right. I sent her to Django’s. Well, as much as it pains me, I have a duty to read this letter.

Yo Dinnerbell. Your show is the pits and furthermore— _ugh_. Let me stop you right there Buford Van Stomm. Our show is not the pits and if you think—oh, I just can’t deal with this right now. Listeners, I’m going on a walk to clear my head. But before I do, I give you…the weather…”

_Oh, oh, oh_

_He stands in winter, he's striped and frozen_   
_He is completely out of style_   
_He got no hands, he got no feet_   
_All mouth and teeth, but he don't smile_

__He's the magical old-timey bathing suit_ _   
_That lives in the Himalayas_   
_They call him Klimpaloon_   
_(Klimpaloon)_

_He's made out of wool, he's itchy to wear_   
_He's got broad stripes and savoir-faire_   
_He's out of place almost everywhere_   
_Since 1883_

_If you're between Tibet and Nepal_   
_And you're quiet, you can hear the call_   
_Of Klimpaloon: (Klimpaloon)_   
_Nang-nang-nang-nang-nang-nang-nang-nang-nang!_

“Okay listeners, I’m back. And I regret to tell you that intern Karla is no longer with us. Oh, she’s not dead; on the way to see Django, she was sucked into another dimension by a scientist. No, not Baljeet; the _other_ scientist. The one who walks around wearing a lab coat and gets mistaken for a pharmacist? You know, the one you often see but can never remember? Yes. _That_ evil scientist.

Oh well. Karal’s from an entire family of interns. I’m sure she has a brother or sister I can replace her with. To Karla’s immediate family, I am so sorry. She’s in a better place. Well, I hope she’s in a better place anyway; you never know where another dimension might lead.

Stay tuned for the sound of incessant ringing…that gets louder with every breath you take. And to you dear listeners, I say…Good-night Danville, good-night.

\----------------------------------------------

_Welcome to Danville is produced by Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher, written by shopgirl152. Point your browser to welcometodanvilleDOTcommonbooksDOTcome/madeup for more stories, as well as volumes 9-100 of Useless Shoelace Facts._

_Today’s proverb: Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy but socially dead. And then he’s dead, so he really can’t do anything._

**Author's Note:**

> Song Used: The Ballad of Klimpaloon
> 
> First part of the proverb taken from an episode of Animaniacs. I do not own it; it is the property of its respective creator(s).


End file.
